treading water

"-You are mortal: it is the mortal way. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell.
You grieve. Then you continue with your life.
And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep.
But this will happen less and less as time goes on.

She is dead.
You are alive.
So live."

/Dream to his son Orpheus, in Brief Lives

that quotation is taken from one of Neil Gaiman's works that Jean found online and he felt it appropriate for my case.

it is no lie: moving on without mi corazon is a challenge. i find myself eternally hoping to wake up and realize that it's only a really bad dream, but that isn't going to happen. i just have to live with the truth of her passing.

her youngest sibling has gotten into the habit of keeping in touch, by the way. i don't mind, because they've got similarities. i detect with each passing communication though, that they are completely different creatures. still, this keeps me connected to my heart.

her sibling told me that she went into mi corazon's room with the intent of borrowing a pair of earrings. she found it odd that they were all placed neatly in pairs, except for one. she was bummed because of this; it was the one pair that she would've wanted to wear.

i asked her if it was the butterfly earring with a diamond stud in the middle. she was quiet for a moment and asked how i knew. i told her that i had the other one and how i came into possession of it.

she told me that they found the one in mi corazon's clothes, the ones that she was wearing when they found her. that's when i finally lost it.

i DO intend to live on, if not for myself, then perhaps for mi corazon. but for right now, it's still just too fresh....