the steps that bind

in my line of work, it's not unusual to have couples coming in, learning the joys of dancing together. they may have other motives, like getting to know something and having fun with it together, having a moments peace away from the children, getting ready for a wedding, etcetera, etcetera.

the most heart-wrenching that i have encountered so far would be where the couple comes in to try and save a marriage.

of course, they won't tell you that that's the reason that they're there. i don't think that anybody would blurt it out to a complete stranger that that's the reason why. it's just to personal.

and so you get a couple who, in all respects and purposes, seem to be as normal as they come. sure, some days, the man has a difficult time leading, other times the woman has no clue what's going on and cannot follow. it can also happen that that occurs at the same time. then, you have really off days, where one cannot even pick anything up.

it's challenging, but you just try to help them as best you can. you tell them that it's going to be alright; that everybody goes through these things. every new move will have it's amount of challenge to spice things up, and it's up to you to help them through; almost like holding their hands until they can do it by themselves.

that's the easy part; getting them to relax and just enjoy the moment and remember why they're there: to enjoy each other's company.

and then it happens.

it's quite unexpected most of the time. they begin to miss scheduled lessons, skip out on the group sessions, don't return phone calls. once you do catch them, they're either avoiding any possible rescheduling or they might say: "well, i have to check his/her schedule," or "we'll call you back."

you're lucky if they do. when that does happen, it's mostly the woman who opens up and tells you the reason for them coming in, and nothing, nothing ever prepares you for that. by then, it's a lost cause, and neither one of them would want to continue because of the memories that they created together.

i suppose, learning how to dance is similar to a sense to a relationship: you've got ups and downs, good days and bad, lack of leading and/or following. you also cherish the good times and it's not uncommon to have bad.

sadly, just like dancing, you can just quit a relatioship when it's not working. regardless of the fact that you've been married well over twenty years. regardless of you both knowing that you look beautiful together in the dance of life and love.

it's sad. understandably, there're some that're truly incompatible in that dance called togetherness. it's up to them to either try to get along with it, or just let go. and then, there is that gem of a couple that fit... but don't.

granted knowing that you both go well together, you can try as long as you like to get things cohesive but if it just won't flow as it used to, then it may just be time to let go. it's still a painful process though.

so there it is. dancing and relationships. i'm going to miss the strong winds and the dragon's saint. hope your lives will be better now, with your respective new dance partners.