i woke up this morning to the sound of snoring. it disoriented me because i couldn't recall coming home with anybody the night before. it also scared me to think that if i did bring somebody home, the whole apartment complex would probably be up as well, what with the snores hitting decibels that could put a chainsaw to shame. i slowly started to inch my way to the edge of the bed, trying not to disturb the snoring wonder when it happened: a tail hit me on my face.

i was dog/housesitting sampson since his "folks" were in the hospital; she was giving birth to his younger human sibling, and he was keeping her company. i released a sigh of relief, finally having all my wits about me. i took a handful of deep breaths to steady the beating of my heart, sighed once more, smiled, and closed my eyes.


that's when sampson farted.